Breathing

Done with the first two papers of my final exam. Yes the FINAL ones. Another two papers then i'll be done with my studies. insyaAllah. Keep breathing. 

Hiding.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight. But when things happened, one after another without giving you the time to heal or forget them, you just can't bear the burden, you tried to smile as usual like nothing happened but you can't hide it. Your smiles can lie but not your eyes. Only those who truly love you will realize that. This is not the time to give up or let the things destroy everything. Just a little bit more. Keep swimming cause you're nearly reaching the surface. No matter how much it has been, everything is a test from HIM. The more you hurt, the more HE loves you. 

''No fatigue, no disease, no sorrow, no saddness, no hurt, no distress befalls a Muslim, even if it was the prick he receives from a thorn, but that HE expiates some of his sins for that'' (Sahih Al-Bukhari)

** Friends are measured by the times they say the right things to you. Not by the times they say you're right.

** I trust people easily especially friends. I shared every single things with my friends when i trust them, from all the big problems to all the little things even when my ipod is not working they will be the ones that i will     tell. 

** Thank you Allah for sending me person/s that keep reminding me when I feel like I have no one to trust anymore. At least I know that there are still people out there one or two, or more that I can trust.

**Blessed** 

Strangers.

Again. Too much things to write and I ended up writing nothing here cause I'm too busy writing my final year research. Too much things I want to share about things that happened between us. Things that hurt me. Things that made me cried a lot.Things that turned me into a different person. Things that taught me how to play fire with fire when I'm too tired playing snow with fire (just because snow is more delicate than water if you get what i mean). Things that made me want to forget all the memories of friendship that we had. But yeah, now I only have to keep telling myself that things happen for a reason. People come and leave. And who knows they might come and look for you again when they realized how important you're in their lives. The only thing that I can share now is how difficult it is for me to act like a stranger and to be treated like a stranger, how I miss all the good times we had and how hard it is for me to give the fake smiles pretending that nothing had ever happen just because I don't want to hurt others cause I know the feeling of being treated like that. I want to share more but the elective and all those papers are shouting, calling me to read and write them up. Sometimes when the life is so busy, I forget how to laugh and how to smile but I will keep trying to live a life and keep breathing. Always ...

Soundless sakura.

You've built your wall so high that no one could climb it. 

*** I just realized that I havent update anything on everything since the last post i wrote. Just too busy living a life i guess.

*** It's FOUR weeks before the final exam  and THREE and HALF months before going back home.

A white love story of mine.

20th June 2013: Travelling in a white magic world, somewhere in Lawrence, Central Otago.

A classic town, Arrowtown.

In the middle of nowhere.

'' If man wishes to be sure of the road he treads on, he must close his eyes and walk in the dark ''

Like a fairy tale ;)

It's 13 of July and 3rd of Ramadhan. 

Alhamdulillah, my fourth and final ramadhan here insyaAllah. 

Alhamdulillah, everything was just fine during the break; trips, community placement, Bersatu Games 2013, etc etc.

Alhamdulillah, I had the chance to experience such a beautiful white fairy tale story. 

Alhamdulillah HE showed me what I should know for the mind to think and for the heart to feel.

Alhamdulillah, the heart knows what it really wants. 

It's the end of the Winter break, two more days to go before I start the final semester, yes FINAL semester.

All the best Fairuz!

Rama-rama

Life is too short to whine about everything.

Grow up and act like an adult cause you're not a kid anymore. 

It's 1st of Syaaban, a month before Ramadhan. The time is flying too fast :/

Butterflies, stop fluttering. My tummy is too small for you to flutter around. Get out of it and fly. Freely. The world is beautiful and dont hide yourselves from it. 

Tomorrow is the last paper, the oral exam and I'll be done. Done with the second last semester. 

*Fluttering*

Silently Falling.

 It snowed on 28th May 2013 :)

The day before snowing.

The Cargill St

Snow or no snow, life must go on and keep going on :)

To the person that used to be my friend, thank you for making me hating you more than I already do. You know who you are.

To you, yes you, thank you for being there.

To the man that I love the most, get well soon. I'm sorry for not being there. Like you said, I'm coming home soon. I miss you father.

The most painful moment is when your beloved one is in pain (literally), you're not there to feel and share the pain at least and the only thing you can do is praying, praying and keep praying and of course you can't stop crying. You're here but your heart and mind are not here. Yeah, I'm in pain too.

It is 2 days before the final exam for this semester and 13 days before the Winter break.

2 and a half seasons to go and I'll be home insyaAllah. Counting and keep counting.

The inner joy of the falling leaves.

Bakal dirindui ...

'' Autumn wins you best by this, its mute. Appeal to sympathy for its decay. ''

Uncertainties.

Mat salehs say 'when the heart speaks, the mind finds it indecent to object', heart never lies, follow your heart and you'll get the answers. Malays say 'ikut hati mati, ikut badan binasa' So which one is right and which one is wrong? For me, its true that our hearts never lie. But, never put your mind behind your heart. Use it to think. You're the only one that knows what's inside your heart. Feel it. Think about what you feel. and make the best decisions. Its hard really. Always talk to HIM and seek for HIS help. HE's always there. 

Sometimes (most of the time maybe),heart has problems which mind cannot understand. and now i just dont know what's inside the heart :( HE's the only one who knows the feelings. Nobody else. Oh Allah, please strenghten my faith, fill my heart with the spirit of Your words and please wash away all the uncertainties in my heart. Ameen. If it's really the time for me to follow what's inside the heart, please show me the right way and help me to choose what's the best. 

The beginning of the end.

Assalamualaikum

Hello dusty musty blog *sapu-sapu*. It has been quite a while eh no it has been ageeeesssss since the last time i updated this blog which was in october last year. Lets combine everything in one post okay? So yes i finished my 3rd year final exam last year and alhamdulillah i passed the exam. Thank you Allah. Thank you for everything. I am now in my final year.

Before going back to Malaysia for summer break I went to Melbourne, Australia to visit my friends. Melbourne was dry and hot like reaaallyyyy hot. My girl  friends were quite busy but luckily there are few other friends that willingly spent their time to bring me to few places in Melbourne.Thanks to M and H.

After spending couple of days in Melbourne, i went back to Malaysia for about 2 months.I had a really good time in Malaysia with my parents, friends and of course the foods which I craved so much! I ate almost everything and my mother was so surprised when her daughter is like a monster who only stopped eating when she sleept. I miss you mother :')

During the holiday, I went to Singapore end of Dicember last year after attending Kak A's wedding in Johor. It was an awesome day trip. Singapore is just a really busy and crowded city i can say. If i were given a chance to work in Singapore, I dont think i will take the chance. 

Siti and the lion :p

LegoLand, Johor

So back to student life; I came back to New Zealand on 6th February. The school began at the end of February and I already in my final year for about a month and half. Now i know the feelings of being a final year student which i always heard from my seniors. We rarely have lectures and exams anymore. However, we actually have lots of revisions and readings for preps, assigments and of course our final research for elective has started as well. Sometimes i feel like i am very stupid and i dont know how to read at all after reading too many journals, articles etc. My elective topic is about substance abused which is a literature review and it is a whole year project. oh God whyyyy. and now I'm still thinking am i really in final year?! Oh Fairuz please wake up and stop procrastinating because you gonna be really busy in second semester and you better do all your readings, unfinished preps and your research! 

After starting the semester about 2 months, before having our Easter break, my flatmates and I had our housewarming for our new flat and we invited almost everyone. We had a really awesome barbeque party at our lovely verandah (thanks to our landlord:p) and everyone enjoyed it eventhough we ran out of chicken because too many people came to our party. Lucky we had some corns for them! hahah. 

Nasib baik veranda besar gila.

So thats the story of summer break, school and flat :D lets talk about some personal feelings pulak?cewah hahah. Eh jap, ada ke? erk. Anyway, there were quite a few things happened in my life since the school started. What i can say is, the feeling of loosing people in your life is just painful. The pain that made the heart cried a lot. Thank you for those who being there for me and you, you will never see me as the same person anymore and we wont be like how we were before. 

And now, i keep telling myself not to fall because its not yet the time. Remember Fairuz you're the one that control you heart. Nobody else. So take care of it like you always do. 

It is mid of Autumn now. The leaves are falling and wind is getting colder telling everyone that Winter is coming. Soon. and me, still cant get along with coldness. It gives me breathlessness. It gives me dry skin. It gives me itchiness. 

Keep holding on cause everything will come to its end soon insyaAllah.